Just got back from the gym. Yes, I joined and this will make day four in it. I know people say they get a good feeling from working out, a kind of high if you will, but that doesn’t happen for me. No surge of energy, no endorphins, and yes, I get my heart rate up to aerobic levels for a sustained period of time, current 25 minutes out of 40. But I did get a feeling of accomplishment today, a sense of satisfaction that I know I wouldn’t have gotten from anything else I’ve done. Had I stayed home, I would have felt guilt, which I would like to avoid seeing how I have spent way too long feeling that particular emotion over recent years.
As I walked on the treadmill, I watched the other people in the gym. Once again, I am the largest person there, and I feel conspicuous, but in reality, I don’t think anyone cares that I am big. They are tuned into their own workout. It’s me comparing myself to others that makes me feel bad. I am trying to temper this by telling myself two things, 1. You can’t compete or compare yourself with other people, 2. You won’t be this size forever, so it’s temporary. Baby steps.
Back to the people, they are a mixed bag, with a variety of age groups and both sexes evenly represented. The people who stand out to me, the ones I would like to emulate are not the perky twenty/thirty somethings, or the muscular 1% body fat studs, it’s the senior citizens. They interact with each other more, they are dedicated and do their own thing at their own pace and they do both aerobic and weights. They set a good example of priorities and self-care. There is one woman who has her oxygen with her, several with walkers. They all are doing what right for their health. I wonder if that will be me someday? I hope so.
As for my writing, I’ve finished an essay that I’ll be entering in a contest later this year. It’s about a decision you regret. For me, that would be eating my way to my size. I like how it turned out, and have given it to my niece to critique. My sister gave me her critique and I am going to make the appropriate changes to the essay, then put it aside for a month and come back to it and see what improvements can be made. I can’t share it here because that would constitute a form of publishing and that’s against the rules. Eventually, I will publish it here, but that’s in the distant future.
I found a writing conference I would like to attend in September. It’s very reasonable and the program I’m interested in is one day. I can drive there and back without having to stay over. Yes, this writing gig is serious. It’s something I have wanted to do all my life and for one reason or another I didn’t pursue it because I never gave myself permission to pursue it. Well, now I know better and I have permission to pursue it, wherever it leads me. This is definitely one of my bucket list things and I feel very empowered by doing it.
Is there something that you are doing that gives you a feeling of accomplishment and empowerment?