I Can See Clearly – Now Sometimes

My eye

My eye (Photo credit: neuroticcamel)

Sometimes you don’t know how broken something is until you fix it. This was the case with my eyesight. I’ve always worn glasses and I generally get my eyes checked regularly, but I hadn’t gone for a long, long, time until recently, when I had a difficult time reading print books and licenses at work. I thought my eyes were just getting old, and that I was having a normal problem reading. But after I had a thorough exam and bought new glasses, I saw how broken my vision was. Now I can read the numbers on licenses and the fine print on signs at work. I can read paperback books again, the type no longer blurry. I no longer feel like my sight is aging too fast. My eyes had been open to a new perspective.

As I struggle with my weight loss, I am seeing the journey with new eyes. I used to look at the numbers of other weight watchers and I would think “It’s taken you how long to lose how much?” Too long for too little an amount of weight. I am one of those people I looked down upon not long ago. There’s more to this struggle than just eating less and moving more. A lifetime of hiding in food and fat cannot be overcome in a few months. There’s a lot of reprogramming that needs to go on. Old fears and beliefs, old habits all make for a powerful pull to not lose and stay the same, even though the same weight means unhappy and unhealthy.

Finding a new way to relate to food is really hard. Very necessary but a challenge that leaves me drained and seeking familiar solace in a box of cookies. I haven’t found my magic bullet that affords me the same comfort level sans food. Reading, writing, working and my art all provide a great deal of satisfaction, but they don’t take the place of food. Nothing has done that yet. I wonder if I will ever find the answer?

What are your thoughts? Do you struggle with this?

 

Weekly Facts Of Loss -.8

The Stats: Weigh-in shows a loss of .8lbs, not a lot, but considering I didn’t work out, it’s a good thing.

The weekly recap:

This week was a wash due to a medical problem I had which caused me to not be able to work out.  Then I had a migraine on Saturday. Let’s hope this next week is better!

Weight loss blogs:

This week’s blog is Danicas Daily She is using Weight Watchers and the blog is a window into her usage of the program. She’s opting for using the Simply Filling foods so she gets the most bang for her points buck. Refreshing slant and very upbeat.

Tip for the week:

First tip: I made  Grammy’s Chicken, Broccoli and Rice Soup with turkey stock and ground turkey meat. I like it better than when it’s made with chicken.

Second tip: I am on a learning curve with these blogs. I haven’t been checking the spam filter like I should (and will from now on) so I found lots of legitimate comments that went there by accident. So, check your spam folders each day for blog traffic!

Feel good moments this week:

I got my new glasses a week earlier than expected and I am so happy. I can see again! I was having trouble reading, and now, no trouble at all. And I got the anti-glare feature and it really helps with nighttime driving. They look better than my old pair. A picture is coming after I get my hair cut next week.

 Goals for this coming week:

Hit the gym 3x, going for 40 minutes each day on the elliptical, and doing weights three days.

Hair Cut

Take picture and post it

Tracking better

Cooking this week. Use slow cooker.

Blog post

Menu Labeling – Do You Want To Know?

Information

Information (Photo credit: heathbrandon)

Dave Kirchoff (CEO of Weight Watchers) presents the argument to label calorie counts in restaurants as part of Obamacare. I did not know this component existed in the new law. Personally I would welcome the information. When I go out, I am guessing at the choices I make. Who knows what the calorie count or in my case point value of a selection is? This information will make us smarter consumers.

There are many people who won’t be influenced by the information. These are the same people who don’t read food package labeling. They blindly eat what they want, consequences be damned. More power to them. There are a lot of people who do read package labels and make sound food choices based on that information. Shouldn’t that information be made available in the area where Americans go so far off course of eating healthy?

There is a city ordinance in New York City requiring restaurants to provide this information and I say it’s about time. What may seem like an innocuous selection could be disastrous to your daily calorie intake. Smart people want information. Smart people make informed choices.

What do you think? Do you want restaurants to label the calorie count of their food?

It’s All About Independence

 

It’s the Fourth of July. I am always happy on the fourth. It’s the day we celebrate freedom, so why not be happy? This year I am contemplating my love of personal freedom, am expressing my love of country, and I’m thinking about my quest to free myself of the bonds of weight and addictive eating.I am free in many aspects of my life and I am a slave when it comes to my appearance, health and self-esteem

The success I have experienced to date is certainly worth celebrating, and I’ve come a good way towards improving my health. Today I am thinking about the dependence I have on food, particularly sweets.I can’t help but think I will be a slave to sweets forever. How can I consider myself free when I am so dependant on something?

I did go through a ten month period of time when I did not have sweets. I never stopped thinking about them, and around nine months I started to get severe cravings that resulted in my giving in to the cravings at the ten month mark. And once I started eating sweets and carbs, I couldn’t stop. It was like I was starving and was eating as though I would never get food again.

Now I am working on balancing the cravings, trying to change what I satisfy the cravings with. Currently, grapes are the substitute for cookies. Still having cravings, but the healthy alternative is making the craving less damaging to my loss. I am working on accepting that this will be a lifelong battle, and that while I crave freedom, I will never be free.

Since the loss is taking longer than I had anticipated, I am  working on maintaining a positive attitude about the process. It is easy to fall back into a pattern of low self-esteem, self belittlement, and negativity. I am too fragile to say I am free of these conditions. I walk a tenuous path each day…talking myself into being positive and trying to ignore the call of the familiar negativity.  I am chained to a belief system that is self-destructive and I am working to free myself from them, but breaking chains is hard work. I am a work in progress.

My prayer this Independence Day is to find independence from the past and from cravings. Will I ever be as free as I would like to be? If only I could see ahead two years from now to see how much progress I made. How much freedom will I have?

Happy Independence Day!

The Lobster Shack Drawing – WIP

Fence post sketch

I am excited about my newest drawing which does not have a proper name, so Lobster Shack is it’s working name. It’s a pen and ink and colored pencil piece. This piece is all me, none of my teacher is in it, which I am very proud of. My drawings take a long time, so I will post the WIP pictures as I progress, but don’t expect the finished project to be done quickly. I’m just not that fast.

Fence and shack and lobster trap

Shack and lobster trap

The Weekly Facts of Loss: +1

 The Stats: Weigh-in shows a gain of 1 lb, a disappointment but not a surprise. Last week I stayed the same. I did get a new scale and indeed the first scale was off substantially.  The new scale cost less and is more accurate.

The weekly recap:

This week was a wash out. I didn’t do enough exercise, and I ate a lot of cookies in a moment of weakness. I have to admit I thought about not telling you this, just committing the sin of omission. But I can’t do that. I am being honest with myself and with you. I am showing you the ugliness of the struggle to change.  And it is a daily struggle.

I went to the gym 3x, but 2x were just for 30 minutes. I have to do at least 40 minutes and by now should be up to an hour. Again, it is a struggle.

Weight loss blogs:

This week is Living, Laughing, and Losing by Kim Cashin. I like her writing style and her attitude. And she likes cats, so that’s a plus as well. She has really good pics of herself (something I am planning for myself). She’s young (OK I admit it, almost everyone is starting to look like a youngin’ to me lately. A definite sign I’m “Mature”), with youthful exuberance which comes across in her writing. Her blog is a pleasure to follow.

Tip for the week:

No weight-loss tip this week, but a reminder that I have split this blog into two. This is the weight-loss journey.  My writing journey is Monique Egelhoff – Writer. That is where my essays are now and where I am featuring information on writing and the writing life. My art will continue on both blogs. I hope you will follow both blogs!

Feel good moments this week:

Started my makeover this week by going to the eye doctor and getting an exam (very long overdue, I’m embarrassed to say.) I then went to Visionworks for eyeglasses. Found a great new pair and got them half off so I could get the transitions lenses which I never could afford in the past. There’s more to the makeover to come so I won’t be taking pictures till later in July. But seeing the new glasses made me feel pretty good.

Goals for this coming week:

Hit the gym 4x, going for 40 minutes each day on the elliptical, and doing weights three days.

Tracking better

Cooking this week.

Blog post

 

Changes = Please Read

For some time now I’ve combined two paths on one blog, my weight-loss and my writing. At this time I would like to split the blogs. I changed the name on this original blog site to Losing a Person and Finding Myself and it will cover my weight-loss journey. So, If you want to follow this journey, you don’t have to do anything.

If you have enjoyed my essays and want to follow my journey as a writer, then follow this address: Monique Egelhoff – Writer. I hope to keep my followers…maybe you will follow both blogs?  Please comment if you have any questions or concerns.

Thank you for following me!